Monday, August 6, 2012

I couldn't do it...

Everyone we have shared our news about P-Nut with is super excited and thrilled to death we are having a girl.  It gets us excited to share the news when people react so positively and lovingly.  I say it, "gets us excited" because as you know, both Hubby and I were envisioning a boy.  So this weekend was spent mentally shifting gears into the land of pink! 

I'm thrilled to have a daughter and I don't want this post to get confused with the idea that I am not happy.  Because I most certainly am!  I am honestly just a tiny bit sad that my baby boy days are over.

When it came to our first pregnancy Hubby and I wanted a boy so bad it was all we could think or talk about.  From the start I had a feeling that it was a boy and once my feelings were confirmed we were over the moon!  A boy!  It was what we always wanted and dreamed about even before we were ready to start trying for a family. 

I loved shopping for all of the cute little boy clothes with puppies, dinosaurs, trucks, etc. on them.  I'd breeze right pass the ruffley dresses with bows and pink polka dots and grab the first comic book hero shirt I came across.  I was in full on boy mode and loving every second of it. 

Little C has been such a light in our lives and he is every bit a boy.  He loves to get into everything and will gladly dangle upside down and rough house with anyone who is willing.  He has taken dives off the furniture, head butts the cats and runs around with reckless abandon.  But he is also so sweet and loving and man is that child funny!  I absolutely love having a boy.  Period. 

As I write this I am now starting to feel a bit foolish...  I intended to talk about how I'm sad that I may not have another boy.  Who knows if we will have a third child and we all know it's only a 50/50 chance of having a boy with that one too!  But how lucky are we?!?!?  I HAVE a boy.  An amazing boy that has taught me a level of love I didn't even know existed.

I intended to write about how we went to Target over the weekend to buy a little something for P-Nut.  Something to celebrate her and help shift our mental gears a bit.  I couldn't do it.  I was in the baby girl section and I couldn't find one piece of clothing, a blanket, shoes, a headband.  Nothing.  I kept glancing over at the newborn boy clothes and I felt sad.  We left the store with a new Spiderman shirt for C, a truck book, and a new matchbox car. :-/

Why am I sad when I just listed all of the amazing gifts our son has given us?  I've had the baby boy experience and it was such a delight!  But now I am fortunate enough to have a baby girl experience as well and from what family, friends, and especially my parents tell me, it will be equally delightful. 

Am I nuts for ever feeling a bit sad to begin with?  Has anyone out there gone through any of these same emotions?  I plan to shake them off and get over it!  I will continue enjoying the sweet little boy I have and now celebrate and enjoy the sweet baby girl on the way.  That much I'm sure I can do!     

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