Friday, May 31, 2013

This post is brought to you by the letter "K"

So you all know my name is Kendra but I have not been so forthcoming with Hubs' name on the 'ole blog. Per his request I will keep him incognito but will reveal to you that his first initial,like mine, is K. Therefore, over the years we have been dubbed "K & K."

Before having kids we'd have gatherings at our house with our siblings and our friends. We would eat, drink, and be merry and these gatherings were soon dubbed as "K & K Nights."

Well watch out, people! Because this weekend... K & K Night is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!!!!

Ya heard right! My parents are watching BOTH kids Saturday night and the Hubs and I will be partying like it's 1999. I'm not sure if I will even know what to do with myself but I have a feeling I'll manage.

It will be a celebration of my Hubs bday which is on Monday but honestly, it's more of a celebration that we will be out and about, on a weekend, with other adults. I am giddy with anticipation!

The festivities will kick-off with my girl friend and I attending the Fleetwood Mac concert. That may not be your idea of a wild and crazy night but they are seriously one of my all-time favorite bands and I am super stoked to see them live. It will be my third time! My friend loves them as much as I do so it should make for a great evening.

Then we will leave the concert and meet up with Hubs and all of our friends. I know what what you're thinking... "you are going to stay up past 9:00pm?!?!?!?" The answer to that my friends is, yes. I will be throwing caution to the wind, letting my hair down and enjoying myself until the wee hours.

You see, K & K desperately need this adventure. We work hard and take care of business every gat damn day and we deserve to have a little fun!! Actually, we deserve to have A LOT of fun and that's just what we're going to do. :)

So for one night, on one weekend we will temporarily take our mommy and daddy hats off and be putting our party hats on. K & K will be in the house!


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Seven Years of Wedded Bliss!

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. Seven years ago I said, "I do" to the love of my life.

Our marriage has been a journey. A journey of love, respect, and partnership. I've learned the power of compromise and the humility of admitting when I'm wrong. I've grown stronger from the love of my man and I'm proud to be his wife.

I was a seventeen year old girl when we met and fell in love and today he still melts my heart and takes my breath away. Sure, we've had some trying times but they are fleeting and always make us stronger.

Our biggest challenge for the journey ahead will be to stay connected to the couple we were before starting our family. Of course as parents we eat, sleep, and breathe our kids. As it should be. But we have to do things just for us that don't include our beloved little monsters which will nurture our bond.

I say this will be a "challenge" only because it takes effort to not get sucked into the daily grind of work and parenthood. It may take effort to carve out the time but once we immerse ourselves in each other without the distractions of our domesticated lives, then it is pure joy and I feel like that seventeen year old girl again!

It may be cliche, but my husband is my best friend. I can't wait to see where our journey leads next...

Do you find it challenging to carve out special time with your sweetie? What do you do to stay connected?

Friday, May 24, 2013

Word to Your Mother! Er... I mean, MY Mother!

Happy Birthday, Mama!

I love you!

I love that you had silly nicknames for my brother and I growing up along with silly songs to accompany them. I love that you STILL call us by said nicknames.

I love how you not only nurtured me as your child but that you also nurtured my spirit.

I love how you were a full-time working mom with two kids and you did the best you could every single day.

I love how you are always there when I need you.

I love how you are so generous and never ask for anything in return.

I love that even the most epic mother/daughter battles over time have only made us stronger.

I love how people tell me I look just like you.

I love going to fun restaurants and drinking champagne with you no matter the time of day!

I love that Little C calls you Popsi Rose. We will be laughing about that one for years to come! ;)

I love seeing you with my children. It is a very special thing.

It's plain to see I simply love you to pieces and hope you have a wonderful birthday and that this is an incredible year for you. You deserve it!


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

It's mah burfday!!!

Who has two thumbs and a birthday???

This girl!!!

Okay, so it's only one thumb. I was taking my own picture so...

Today I'm the big 3-2. It feels pretty good and I always remember what Great-grandma Pearl told me...

Do you freak out at birthdays and resist turning another year older? I never really have and I think it does have a lot to do with what Grandma Pearl said. Being 32 is better than being 42, and when I turn 42 it will be better than being 52, and when I'm 52... Oh, you get the idea!

I may freak out over some pretty ridiculous crap but one thing I have always stayed positive about is turning another year older. I embrace each new year for so many reasons. Here are a few:
  1. Another year wiser - Life experiences from all my years leading up to this point have taught me so much. I've learned from each triumph and each mistake no matter how big or small. 
  2.  I'm on the right side of the dirt! - One of my clients said that to me when I asked how he was doing. It's so true! Life is short and it is silly to take that for granted. We don't know when our "time will be up" so as long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, I don't care what age I am to be able to keep it that way!
  3. Everyone deserves a special day - So what if you are another year older?! Having a special day just for you with family and friends is so much fun. I don't care if you say you don't want a big fuss, a thoughtful card, a phone call from a special someone, or maybe just a cupcake with a candle in it, can still be fun. 
So do not fret or get bitter about getting older. Life is too short for that nonsense. Enjoy your special day, enjoy your life and take a look around at all your blessings and be grateful. A happy heart is a sure fire way to feel young. and my heart could not be happier! 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Pretend it's the year 2017...

I've been with my current company for over six years now. When I was going through the interview process I was administered a "writing test" that asked the following question:

Pretend it's the year 2017 and you're looking back over the last 10 years. What has to have happened over those 10 years for you to feel you've been successful and have met your hopes, dreams, and aspirations?"

I wrote the following response on February 9, 2007:

Well, here I am. It's 2017 and I can say with confidence that I have successfully achieved the dreams and aspirations I set for myself 10 years ago. I have taken my knowledge and experience from working in "support roles" and now play a specialized part in a successful company. I am able to positively impact the lives of others, which is something I have aspired to do my whole life. I am proud of where I am professionally because I have put forth valiant effort and hard work to achieve a successful, and most importantly , a meaningful career. 

Personally, my hopes of starting a family of my own with my husband has been made into reality. We both have worked so hard from our late teens, our twenties and now mid-thirties to establish ourselves and prepare to be responsible parents.

For me, "what has to have happened to feel I've been successful," is to know that I have never given up as I continuously strive for the life I have always wanted. All the while I have grown with the support and love from my partnership with my husband and my family. Looking back over the last 10 years I can smile because look how far I've come...

And this is only the beginning!

Reading this makes me feel very proud. It hasn't even been a full ten years since writing it, yet I've basically accomplished everything I wanted to:

I now play a specialized part in a successful company - This is pretty self-explanatory.

I positively impact the lives of others - Since writing this I've developed amazing relationships with our clients so much that most of them feel like an extension of my own family. I've coached three all-star competitive cheerleading teams for girls ranging in ages of 11-16. One of the teams placed 1st at state and the other won 1st at Nationals! Coaching was a wonderful way for me to positively impact the lives of young girls and I believe most of them would say I did just that. I've also become a mother and I hope with all my might that I positively impact my sweet babies lives everyday.

My hopes of starting a family of my own with my husband has been made into a reality - again, self-explanatory.

I have grown with the support and love from my husband and my family - There is no "i" in team, people! I am thankful to share every accomplishment with my partner and I'm thankful that he is there for every hardship as well. Plus, my family is amazing and their support means the world to me. Very blessed indeed.

This is only the beginning! - I couldn't agree more, past Kendra! I am really looking forward to the future as I continue to grow professionally and personally.

I wanted to reflect back on this because tomorrow is my birthday and I like to think of each year as a fresh start. I enjoy looking back and seeing how far I've come and then looking into the future as a blank slate full of possibilities. I am feeling motivated and ready to take things to the next level but my next challenge is to determine what that "next level" is both personally and professionally. As long as I keep moving in the right direction, I think I'll be just fine!

If you look back over the past 5 or 10 years, are you happy with where you are? What about the next 5 or 10?

Friday, May 17, 2013

Blogging for Mental Health - Part 2

I knew right away. I just had a feeling. A feeling that I was pregnant. The only way to confirm my intuition was to pee on the 'ole stick. Instantly two pink lines appeared and instantly I broke-down and cried.

These were not 100% tears of joy. Although I was thrilled to have a life growing inside of me, these were tears of shock, disbelief, and I'm not going to lie... tears of, "this can't be happening."

I was pregnant with our second baby as our first baby had just turned ONE!! We always knew we wanted to add to our family but this happened much, much earlier than we anticipated and I found myself pregnant with a "surprise baby!" A baby that I used to be all Judgey McJudgerson over when I'd hear of other people "accidentally" getting pregnant. I didn't understand how that was possible. Didn't they know how babies were made?!?!? How could you seriously not be aware of your body enough to make a mistake like that?!?!?

::inserts foot directly in mouth::

It took us over a year of trying to get pregnant with Little C and I was naive enough to believe it would be the same when we were ready to go for #2. Clearly this was not the case. I can't tell you how overwhelmingly guilty I felt for NOT being genuinely happy about it.

I was scared about how this would impact us. I was panicking about how we would make this work. Logistically, financially, emotionally? How will it affect Little C? I didn't feel like we had enough time with just him. In addition, I felt embarrassed that it was not a planned pregnancy. This concept was completely opposite of who I am. I like to have plans and I don't do well with curve balls. I felt irresponsible and was kicking myself for letting this happen.

This all may sound crazy but it was real and valid at the time. As I mentioned, I felt awful that I wasn't jumping up and down with the same enthusiasm as I did when finding out we were expecting Little C. This baby deserved the same level of excitement and I was beating myself up for not feeling it right away.

Once the shock wore off I was also catapulted into a pregnancy that was completely different from my first, and not in a good way. My first pregnancy was text book from start to finish. I felt great the entire time, I slept great the entire time and life was easy peasy. The second pregnancy was the opposite on all fronts.

But the biggest difference this time around were hormones. I know I would drone on post after post about how my "hormones" were out of whack and how "miserable" I was but I don't think I truly conveyed what I was really going through. I would talk to my therapist and my OB/GYN regularly about how much I was struggling and that I was terrified and basically resigning to the fact that I was going to have PPD. They both said we would just keep an eye on it and keep the dialogue open on the topic as we went along.

In short, I was a mess. There is no other way to describe it. And other than my husband and my therapist, no one really knew what I was going through. I didn't want to tell my parents too much because I didn't want them to worry (sorry, mom!) and I didn't even tell my friends more than the 'ole hormones quip when asked how I was feeling. I didn't know if people would understand, heck, I didn't know if even I could understand what I was going through.

I did not know who I was. I did not feel like me. I was either sad or "ragey" all. the. time. My poor husband didn't know what he was in for on a day-to-day, hour-to-hour or even minute-to-minute basis. {dreamy, I know!}I could be chipper one minute then in tears about something completely ridiculous the next. Worse yet, if it wasn't tears that I was battling it was just anger. I was short with my husband, my son, my dog, my cats, you name it. There was no reason for it, nothing that I know of that caused it. I was just out of control, or at least I felt that way.

Why? I don't freaking know!! And for an analytical minded person by nature, not understanding why something is happening and not having a plan in place to fix it is extremely hard. I would talk through it with my therapist and we were able to come to some conclusions in order for me to work toward getting back to "me."

Let me just tell you that I have never been through a more grueling 9 months in my entire life. Not just because of the pregnancy but because I was tackling some personal "demons" that up until this point I had not done a very good job dealing with. What I discovered was that because of this pregnancy I had to change some old behaviors of mine and for some reason it took getting pregnant in this way for those changes to take place.

Because of this pregnancy I learned more about myself and what I need to be happy. My marriage also grew stronger as we worked through my "ragey" episodes together and then even went further into our relationship having some of the most profound and real conversations that we've ever had in all our years together.

The out of control feelings and emotions did continue for the entire 9 months of my pregnancy but each month and each day that passed I became better equip to handle it and I slowly but surely started to feel like myself again.

In fact, once my beautiful baby was born it was like all was right with the world again {well, in regard to my hormones anyway}. I did not have PPD but I did experience the "baby blues" which was normal. After they passed, I wasn't feeling depressed and the light that was buried deep down for 9 months started to resurface.

Although I was feeling like myself again I still was dealing with a whole new life as a mother of an almost-two-year-old and a newborn baby. I had some really hard days as I adjusted and there were times that I felt so completely lost and overwhelmed. But because I new how to take better care of myself and how to communicate what I was going through, I was able to get through the tough days.

So why share all of this? I wanted to share because I think it is very important to be aware of ourselves and be able to recognize when something is amiss. I also think it is important to not be embarrassed or ashamed of our feelings and to have the courage and strength to admit we are struggling and may need some help.

You are not weak. In fact you are quite the opposite because it takes tremendous strength to take even the smallest steps toward picking yourself up out of a deep dark hole. People who have never experienced anything like depression or moments of mental health distress may not truly understand why you are struggling at all. They may wonder "what happened to you to make you sad?" Or, think to themselves, "suck it up!" But you and I know it is not that simple.

For me, the biggest triumph out of all of this was that by the end of my 9 month journey I was ecstatic to welcome our baby girl to our family. I was starting to get giddy with excitement for her arrival and I made peace with the timing in which she was brought into our lives.

If it weren't for my "surprise baby" I may not have made some of the positive changes that I had desperately wanted to make in my life. I would not have grown as much as I needed and wanted to. Or perhaps my husband and I would not have grown in our marriage if it weren't for the timing of our girl.

My sweet P-Nut literally changed my life in a way that I know I'm not doing justice here. I have still kept a lot out and still hold many of the things that I went through during this pregnancy guarded near my heart because I believe that is where they belong. But I hope what I did share with you reminds you that you aren't alone and that if you do find yourself going through a tough time you can get through it.

I used to say, "everything happens for a reason" because it was just the thing to say in certain situations. I never really put much stock behind it. But now I truly understand why people say that, and I truly believe little baby P-Nut came into my life when she did, and the way she did for a reason.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Blogging for Mental Health - Part 1

One of my favorite bloggers is Brandy at Mannly Mama. You guys, seriously. Check out her blog and I promise you won't be sorry! I would love to do nothing more that talk about her fabulous blog all day long, but I really wanted to talk about mental health.

Brandy posted today, The Mental Health of Motherhood, where she shares with everyone the tremendous community of online support for women suffering from postpartum depression. Brandy even shares her story and struggles with PPD and I encourage you to click over and give it a read.

She also pointed out that today is Blogging for Mental Health Day and I knew I couldn't sit this one out! Mental Health is a very important topic for me as I've experienced my own struggles with depression and a slew of periods where I just haven't been at the top of my game mentally.

I first shared my story about why I see a therapist back in February of 2012. It was actually the third blog post I had ever written! I wanted to dispel some of the stigmas that may be attached with seeking professional help and my hope was to connect with someone that felt like they needed help but didn't think therapy was even an option for them.

I also shared that I had my own spells of depression-like states during college that were crippling and difficult. Many, many days spent in tears, paralyzed by something that I couldn't quite put my finger on, and knowing that I was not myself. When this was at its worst I can't say that I fully received the proper help that I needed or that I was willing to accept the proper help that I needed. I wanted a "quick fix" and I honestly did not want to put in any effort to fix anything for myself.

It took some growing up, some life experiences and the right therapist to make it all click! I'm in a much healthier place where I sit today but my journey will never truly end. In fact, I had a major set back while I was pregnant with P-Nut.

I am going to share with you that experience in my "Part 2" of this topic because I now realize how important my story is in relation to the person I am today. I did not struggle with PPD, but I did struggle. It was intense and scary but I made it through.

As for today, on Blogging for Mental Health Day I just want to share these things with you:

  1. You do not have to suffer any longer. If you feel like something just isn't right and it is something you haven't been able to shake, then please do not ignore it. You shouldn't have to just "get through" each day. There are resources and there is help out there you just have to be ready to admit that you may need it.
  2. You do not have to do this alone. It takes a village, people! If you can find at the very least one person that you feel like you can trust and confide in when it comes to what you are struggling with. I promise you will not only feel better by sharing your struggles but you will be surprised by how much people are willing to help you in your time of need. Also, find support groups online or in your community. Solidarity is key!
  3. You may not have to go through this alone, but you and only you are in control of "getting better." When you are in the middle of whatever's got you down I assure you picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and getting back to the swing of things is the most challenging task you will ever be faced with. It takes baby steps and you have to be willing to put in some work. This can be a slow process and even the smallest step will be a HUGE triumph!! The small steps will start to add up, I promise.
  4. You are not weak. Struggling with mental health is not a sign of weakness. In my opinion it is a sign that you are self aware.
  5. Find a good therapist. Therapy isn't for everyone but I urge you to at least explore the option. Therapy comes in many different forms so finding they right style for you is very important. Also, notice I said, "find a GOOD therapist." You may find that you don't "gel" with the first person you sit down with. My advice is to not force it. Therapy is for you and this is one place in your life that you get to be extremely selfish and picky. I will explain in more detail in anther post my experience with finding my perfect match and the things I would look for in a good therapist.
  6. Give yourself a break. This shit is hard! There is no way around it. When your mental health is suffering your whole world can seem upside down and you feel like every day your are trudging through endless sadness, anxiety, anger, etc. Your road to getting back into a mental health sweet spot may not be a fast one. You will have some bad days and I'm here to tell you, that's ok! You are doing the best you can with whatever circumstances you have been dealt and even though you will have some tough days you will also get some good ones that will inspire you to keep moving forward.
  7. Hang in there. It will get better. You can do this. You can overcome anything you are struggling with. You are strong and the light that feels so buried deep inside you will surface to the top once again. Like I said, when you are down this doesn't seem possible and it can feel overwhelming to visualize but if you just start slow and start with whatever you are comfortable with then I promise... one day, you will be back to you and even stronger then before.
Take care of yourself and if there is anything I can help with I'd be happy to try. I've been in your shoes and I've made it out the other side. Now it's your turn.

I'm Blogging for Mental Health.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Mama and Baby Update - Month 4

Sweet little P-Nut. She is a true joy in all our lives. As evidenced below...

She is doing so good and I am just so stinking proud of her! Which is funny because really she hasn't done anything overly outstanding she is just a baby being a baby but still... I'm very proud.

I am also incredibly proud of my Little C. He is quite the big brother and I am so happy how much he seems to love his "Baby Sis!" He will crack up at any noise, wiggle, or sneeze she makes. He thinks she is hilarious! And she lights up when he is around and always tracks him, watching his every move. It truly is so much fun to behold the sibling love.

The biggest change for Miss P this month was her introduction to daycare. I was stressed and kind of sad about it while her big bro had a major meltdown not understanding why he couldn't stay with her all day. Then she was all...

"What's the big deal, guys?"
As far as developmental changes are concerned, she rolled over the other night from her tummy to her back. That was a pretty big deal! She is also starting to bring her feet up to her hands while on her back and the other morning when I went into her room I found her like this...

We had her 4 month check-up and her stats are as follows:

Weight: 13.5 lbs (50%)
Height: 24 inches (40%)
Head: 15 1/2 inches  (13%)

She averages about 5 feedings a day. On the weekdays they are primarily from bottles with nursing in the evenings and on the weekends. I have started to reintroduce dairy into my diet and she has been responding well so I think her colic and constant gas is a thing of the past. Woop!

We had some set backs as far sleeping through the night. She started waking up at random times and needed to be nursed back to sleep. On a rough night I'd be down with her for close to an hour but most of the time it was a quick 20-30 minute spell. We would try to let her cry it out (CIO) but I think I was caving too soon. So we have decided to get a bit more stern with it since she is getting older but thankfully, she is back to sleeping through the night so we have not had to practice our toughness yet. ;)

I am still on pins and needles wondering what color her eyes are going to be. Right now they are still blue but I swear I see some bits of green near her pupil. My eyes are green with gold/brown around the pupil, Hubs are hazel and Little C's are deep chocolate brown. There is green and brown on my family's side, and green and blue on Hubs' so we'll see!

Mommy Update:
I've already shared how exhausted I am so I won't beat a dead horse here. I did have one reader suggest getting my thyroid levels checked because exhaustion, even after a sufficient night's sleep, is a symptom of levels being out of whack. I did have some thyroid issues with both of my pregnancies so I will be getting my levels checked out very soon to see if something is going on. Thanks for looking out for me, Anonymous! ;)

Another thing I am struggling with is how to keep my breast milk supply up. During the work day I can really only pump once but I'm starting to think I will need to negotiate with my boss pumping twice or my supply will be gone before I know it. Right now my pumping schedule looks like this:
  1.  6:20am - As soon as I get out of the shower in the morning while I'm applying my make-up.
  2. 12:00pm - On my lunch break
  3. 5:00pm - On my drive home from work.
After that I try to nurse when I'm home. We do have to supplement with a bit of formula but she is still getting the majority of breast milk. We'll see if I can keep up as she starts eating more.

Lastly, I'm adjusting to being back at work as a mama of two. It is draining and challenging at times but overall, I'm handling it the best I can. I'm not going to lie and say it's a piece of cake because it feels like anything but. Yes, I like my job and I enjoy what I do but the work/life balance always feels skewed one way or the other. I know I will hit my stride eventually, just like I did after C was born, but right now I'm definitely treading water.

But it's not all doom and gloom so I don't want to end this post negatively.  I may be treading water but I am most certainly happy, very thankful, and very content and fulfilled by my little family.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Evolution of a doctor's visit

Oh, hi! P-Nut here.

I wanted to share with you a recent trip I took to the doctor's office. Consider this a warning to all other babies out there...

First off I should say I am one happy and healthy baby girl! ::pats self on back::

My mom said she will be filling you in on all the deets later this week. I am just here to share with you how the adults trick you into thinking you're going to the doctor's for an easy-breezy chit chat when really you are there to be administered SHOTS by the EVIL MEDICAL ASSISTANT.

See for yourselves...

                               Mama, I'm not too sure about this. You have me naked and lying on paper...

Okay, fine. You started making funny faces and using your desperate "smile for the camera" voice so I'll throw you a bone.

Soooo, I don't know what I was freaked out about earlier. This paper is actually pretty neat!

Yeah. I know I'm cute. Soak it in, Mama. Soak it in.

The doc finally came in and started talking to Mama about my gas! As if I wasn't even in the room! 
Uh, hello... I'm still here people. 

After laughing and yucking it up about how stinking I was, I thought it only fair to attempt taking a chomp out of the 'ole doc's stethoscope. That'll teach her!

After things wrapped up they started talking about vaccinations.
What's that?!?!?

I protested. Oh, HELLLLL NO! There will be none of that.

But my attempts were futile and after FOUR LOUSY SHOTS...

Then I had to spend the rest of the day at daycare! Can you believe it?!?!? Almost eight full hours before I was right where I needed to be after my traumatizing day. 

Mom and Dad said I was a trooper, and I have to say, I really was. 

Thanks for letting me share my adventure with you. To all the babies out there, consider yourselves warned!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Is this the new normal?

I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to that question and it, unfortunately, is yes.

The exhaustion. It is slowly killing me.

I remember how I felt as a first-time mom with a newborn and wondered how I had the audacity to complain about being tired before having kids. Then I remember how I felt as I returned back to work as a first-time mom and wondered how I had the nerve to complain about being tired with a newborn when I could relax, rest, or even sleep during the day on maternity leave.

Then more recently came the sleeplessness of a newborn paired with an early rising toddler and I was catapulted into a whole new inner circle of hell. And finally, the coup de gras of all of this is a baby, a toddler and a full-time job.

Now here's the kicker. Here's the thing that's going to make you want to punch me in the face and tell me to snap the heck out of it and take my complaining, tired ass elsewhere.

My baby sleeps through the night and has for some time.

Yep. I sleep on average a total of 7 hours each night, 8 hours if I'm really lucky and I'm STILL exhausted! Like painfully, can't see straight, fall asleep standing up, shouldn't be driving, kind of exhausted. And I don't know why!

Okay, so I have an idea why. It could be that from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep I am on-the-go. I am like the freaking energizer bunny zipping from mommy, to professional, to wife, to mommy, to professional  to wife. But instead of super cool dark sunglasses and a sweet drum I don super cool dark circles and a breast pump.

To be honest with you, I'm not handling this very well. From the outside I appear to be a rock star pulling myself together each day and thanks to make-up and a suit I look somewhat decent. But internally I am a nightmare. This deathly tired feeling is consuming my already mushy brain and I can't shake it. Last night Hubs and I said good night to each other and started to doze off. I had finally fallen asleep when my baby girl's cries came shouting through the monitor. Hubs got up to soothe her and I just lost it and cried.

I couldn't help it and there was no good reason for it. Hubs asked what was wrong and I just said, "this exhaustion is fucking with my head!" {BTW - sorry for cussing but his is what happens when I'm tired.}

I need sleep. I need a week of sleep to catch up and truly feel rested. But alas that will never happen. I know right now there are parents in the newborn stage that are getting half the amount of sleep I do. I know there are people who suffer from insomnia that want to round-house kick me in the head for complaining. I know it is all relative.

I also know that this is what I signed up for and I need to chill the fuck out. I'm going to be tired for a while. I'll get blips of time where I can get caught up and there are days where I'm feeling great so I need to be thankful for that. I also need to do a better job of staying positive and not crossing into the dark side. So what if I'm tired?!? I have two wonderful, healthy children. a husband who is the best partner anyone could ask for, and a job that not only pays the bills but that I happen to enjoy. So maybe I am tired all the time but the bottom line is that I can get through it and I should probably stop with all the complaining.

Thank you for listening. I feel better already. Now I'm off to sleep on the floor pump on my lunch break and just keep on keeping on!