Over the weekend I was taken to a Great Harvest Fall Festival in keeping with the "fall theme." My mission was to find the perfect pumpkin! Now in case you've never had to pick out a perfect pumpkin for your own I thought I'd share with you the proper way to do it. You may want to write down some notes. I'll wait while you gather up a pen and paper...
:: cough ::
Okay! You're back! Let's get started.
First - you need the appropriate attire. You can't just roll out of bed and stumble into a pumpkin patch! You have to pull yourself together, man. See for yourself...
Am I stylin' or what?!?!
Second - you have to take in the lay of the land.
No pumpkins to be found here. "Hey fella! Why the long face?!?!" :: snort :: I'm hear all day, people.
Jackpot! Pumpkin patch acquired.
Third - Once the prize is in sight it is very important to map out your plan of attack. You can't just jump in and go at it all willy nilly.
Look to the right, and look to the left.
This is no time for knee jerk reactions. You must be picky!
Fourth - Don't let size get the better of you! This can be a tricky one. I mean, who doesn't want to go after the biggest pumpkin in the patch? It is important to remember your pride is at stake here. Don't go acting a fool and think you can waltz out of the patch with something bigger than you are. Observe...
This is NOT the perfect pumpkin.
Fifth - Don't settle. Just because a grown-up hands you a pumpkin that you can actually carry yourself, doesn't mean it is the perfect pumpkin. I'll show you what happened to me...
Um, thanks for the pumpkin mama but I just don't think this is it! In fact...
What's over there??? Could it be? Could I have just found the perfect pumpkin???
Let's pause for a moment - It is VERY important to know what you are looking for. The perfect pumpkin must have a nice rotund shape with decent circumference, nice orange color, minor flaws (if any at all), and a good stem for holding on to. So after searching high and low you better believe I found...
The. Perfect. Pumpkin.
Just look at this beaut! Have you ever seen anything like it?!?
Okay so maybe you have, but I'm only 18 months old dude,
and as far as I'm concerned this is the bee's knees!!
So there you have it. My step-by-step method for achieving the highest level of pumpkin patchery. Follow these steps and you too can find your perfect pumpkin.
Eat your heart out Charlie Brown!