Friday, October 19, 2012

Daycare, working parents, and ignorance

I read a post by one of my favorite bloggers on Babble the other day and I absolutely adored it.  Beth Anne is hilarious and often writes about being a working momma and how she balances it all out.  Unfortunately, she felt compelled to write this particular Babble post in response to a syndicated spot she did for Yahoo! Shine called, The 7 Perks to Sending your Child to Daycare.

She writes:
"Last week, my post on why daycare rocks a box of unicorn sprinkles was syndicated on Yahoo! Shine and of course the comments came flooding in.  Mostly about how I shouldn’t have children if I can’t be with them and how selfish women like me are what is wrong with the world.  Not like it’s 2012 with women’s liberation and education and a crashing economy that requires many of us to go back to work after having babies.  That’s just the crazy in me talking, I suppose."

I clicked over to the Yahoo! post and the comments had me floored! Here are some to give you an idea:

"If you have a two parent home in this day and time, do whatever it takes to keep your kids with you as much as possible. Raising kids takes great diligence and determination. Both parents working is causing problems for America across the board. It's easier to go to work and hope someone else will take care of your kids, but the reality is no one loves them like their parents. Otherwise what is point of having them if you are never there?"

"I see zero good reasons to send your kid to a stranger. If you choose to have children than YOU should take care of them. Your kids deserve that much. And they are only little for so long. What's 4 years out of a lifetime. Get your priorities straight, people!"

"I will never send my children to daycare. I've heard they accept children as young as 6 weeks now! You can not tell me a stranger can give the love and attention to a child that young as well as their mothers. If you're a married woman with children sorry but you should be staying home and taking care of them. If you say you cant afford it with one paycheck scale down your house and cars. My husband makes less than 40k a year gross and i stay home and how we do it is cut down on our spending which isn't hard."

"leaving your children in the care of someone not sharp enough to get a real job....not me"

Is your jaw on the floor too?!? I can't believe how mean and hateful the comments were and how unrealistic these people are.

Oh, and then there was this guy:

"Cats are better than brats!" - His code name was Catman. Ha! Thanks for adding your insightful and intelligent input to this discussion Catman! Weirdo.

I don't get these people. Of course there were plenty of comments supporting Beth Anne's post and working parents in general but I couldn't shake how some of the other moms AND dads could be so one-sided.

The first comment really had me upset. "It's easier to go to work and hope someone else will take care of your kids, but the reality is no one loves them like their parents." No shit, lady! I don't take my son to daycare so that people will LOVE him. I take him to daycare to be taken care of. You know, fed, cleaned and kept safe. Those are the basics but on top of it he also learns social skills, developmental skills and he seems to learn something educational everyday. His father and I raise him and give him everything he needs to thrive.

Did you get that lady... HIS FATHER AND I RAISE HIM. I don't see daycare at my house when my son is sick and up all night. Daycare isn't at the Pediatrician's office with us for wellness visits and sick care. Daycare doesn't tag along on family trips to the zoo or the park. Where is daycare when his father and I sit down with our son every night to read books? Where is daycare when we are trying to teach our son wrong and right, good behavior and bad? Daycare isn't there when we have our ritual family hug before bed and we kiss our son goodnight and he kisses us back.  Daycare doesn't brush his teeth twice a day, or buy him clothes, or diapers. Daycare isn't a grandparent that my son adores and gets to play with and look up to.  No, daycare does NOT raise my son.

Why don't people understand that every family and their financial situation is different... and private! You get to stay home with your kids while your spouse provides for your family? That's great! For you. And, it's none of my business. My husband and I both work so that we can both provide for our family and that's also great AND none of YOUR business.

My son is happy, healthy and in my 100% biased opinion, brilliant. I give daycare credit where credit is due but his father and I do our damnedest to make sure our son is thriving. We work hard and although some days are harder than others, we do what is best for our family.

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to parenting and raising a family in the general sense. Of course there are scenarios that are un-healthy and toxic or even illegal, but that is not what we are discussing here. Instead of being so one-sided and slamming the ways of other parents I just wish people could be more supportive. At the end of the day most of us are striving for the same result we just might go about it differently.

Daycare is not the devil. Working moms and dads are not evil beings leaving their children out to dry. Be more respectful, people.

I encourage you to read Beth Anne's, 11 Myths About Mothers Who Work Outside the Home. I also encourage you to be open-minded and supportive to one another. After all...

While you are busy judging, someone else is judging you.

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