Thursday, May 24, 2012

What's the only thing worse than a poke in the eye?

Bathing suit shopping!!!  Who's with me on this one?  We are taking Baby Boy to the pool for the first time this weekend.  Last summer he was still an infant and the summer heat was sweltering (too hot for an infant to be out for long) and I was paranoid that he would get sick from the bacteria-laden-pool.  But this summer we are over it and we are ready to get our baby in the water!  Besides, he's already been sick from everything else around him so why not introduce the pool too!

Back to suit shopping.  I hate it with a passion.  I hate it because it forces you to squeeze your body into various styles of suits until you find just the right one that gives the "girls" the lift they need, doesn't give you back-fat rolls, doesn't cut too deep into your hip or that doesn't leave your ass hanging out like a video vixen from the 90's.  Then you have to decide if you are going to bare the belly or cover it up.  You don't want to go straight for the one-piece because you think to yourself, "I'm still young, I might be able to swing it."  Then you look at the array of ity bity, teeny tiny bikinis and wonder if it is tacky to wear spanx under a swim suit!


(photo credit)
After perusing the selection, I took with me into the dressing room a one-piece and two tankinis.  This mama is NOT baring her belly and if she had a choice, she would also not bare her hail damaged derriere either.  But no one wants to be the crazy girl in the pool wearing pants!  So I tried on the tankinis first.  I constantly have to assume that the people who design swimsuits are completely blind and don't really have a concrete example of what a woman's body is really like.  They must have walked up to a mannequin at a store, felt it up and declared that to be the body type to make swimsuits for!  They MUST have been blind, after all do they really think that tiny little triangle of fabric is going to support my D sized bust?!?!?  I've got big ta-ta's people AND I've had a baby...  they need all the material and support they can get!!!

Don't even get me started on the bottoms!  I am half Mexican and I have the Latina curves to show for it.  Jennifer Lopez and I are booty soul sisters and since it's not the 90's and I won't be appearing in any rap videos any time soon, I typically like to keep the booty on lock down.  Again, the mannequin-esque bottoms leave little to the imagination and I've got booty spilling out everywhere!   This is the point that I start to get stressed out and think to myself, "Baby Boy doesn't really need to go swimming does he???"

But then I find it.  The suit that doesn't make me feel like a beached whale but more like a confident woman ready to go swimming with her family.  It's a beautiful color, the "girls" are well supported and I look pretty good if I do say so myself!  My butt is covered just enough and exposed just enough.  It is a one piece but it has a fun decorative "thingy" on the part that goes around your head so it looks pretty hip.  And as you can probably tell by now, being hip is what I'm all about! 

:: crickets ::

So, I survived.  It may not be the sexiest suit on the market but it is really pretty, it fits and I feel good wearing it.  I will be able to have fun at the pool and not self-loath the entire time.  Plus, I have been working out and eating better and today looking in the stupid mirrors with the stupid dressing room lighting I have to admit, I wasn't too disappointed by what I saw in the mirror.  That is a huge victory for me!  At least it isn't this bad yet...

(photo credit)

Are you beach/pool ready?  Do you enjoy suit shopping as much as I do?   

4 comments:

  1. I ended up with an old lady suit complete with a little skirt!

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    1. Gotta love the little skirts! :)

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  2. I'm just wondering where to find a tankini (or one-piece) with support for giant nursing boobies. I'm a 32F...not gonna find that at Kohl's or Target! I wonder how much it would cost to have one custom made?

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    1. Oh yes... the beloved nursing boobies. I was a 36E at that point myself. I probably could have gone to REI and purchased a single family tent! ;)

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