Last night I was having a fit of sleeplessness and my mind was going a million miles a minute. I examined things big and small, work related, home related, husband related, baby related, me related... you get the idea. In an effort to turn of the noise in my head and fall back asleep, I practiced deep breathing.
I began to slip back into a restful state of relaxation, my body was calm, my mind was quieting down and all of a sudden I shot up and exclaimed, "I haven't been filling in the baby book!!!" I startled my fat cat who lept off the bed in a huff and Hubby grunted as he rolled over.
I can't believe myself!!! I attempted to recall the last entry I made... I think it was Halloween... no, wait... It was Thanksgiving. Definitely, Thanksgiving. I have yet to record my precious Baby Boy's first Christmas, New Years, his multiple teeth, his first word, his FIRST STEPS!!! ARGH!
What is wrong with me?!?! How could I have neglected to archive his important milestones and experiences?!?! Cherished memories that will so quickly escape my mind if I don't get them down soon! I envy those mom's that have their shit together enough to tackle the simple task of filling in the damn baby book. I thought I was one of "those moms."
The type of mom that would have the photo albums constructed and up-to-date with cute little captions, stickers and decorations. Instead I have a camera full of photos that I hope someday to actually print out. Not to mention the photos saved on the computer at home, which we never remember to back up.
This felt like one more thing, albeit a minor thing, but one more thing none-the-less to make me feel like somehow I'm failing. Somehow between birth to this point I've been doing things all wrong. I only breastfed for 3 months, 2 1/2 of which I was exclusively pumping (a post for another time). I let my infant fall from the kitchen counter. I work full-time and my baby has spent the majority of his time in someone else's care. Because he is in daycare full-time he is constantly sick. He is pushing the weight limit on the infant car seat as we are scraping up enough money to buy two convertible car seats. And now the baby book...
How do "those moms" do it? Make things look so easy and put together? I may let the guilt creep in from time to time and let the voice of doubt whisper in my ear as I go down this path of motherhood but I think I know what needs to be done.
I need to slap myself around, kick myself in the arse, and shake off the guilt and doubt. I am doing the best that I can. Often times, I'm doing a pretty damn good job. I'll fill in the baby book when I get to it. The most important part of this journey is that my son knows how much I love him. That he has a special smile just for me that no daycare teacher will ever receive. I too am one of "those moms," I just do things my way.
Do you have your own version of "those moms." The moms that you thought you would be more like or that you wish you were more like, or are you better at not comparing than I am? I'm over it. I am snapping out of it and going forward I will not look at my idea of "those moms" with envy, I will look at them and say "good for you!" We are all in this together and just because the seemingly perfect moms don't display their imperfections doesn't mean they don't exist. So to all of you out there and to all of "those moms" :: High Five:: :: Fist Bump:: :: Running start, jumping chest bump::
Let's make it happen again today!