I had a good cry.

Baby Boy is very slowly starting to get better.  I think.  We had the third doctors visit in three days yesterday when he developed a fever of 102.6.  At one point there was a doctor, nurse practitioner, and medical assistant all staring intently at him with furrowed brows and concerned looks.  You could tell he was a bit nervous but my brave little guy even flashed a smile a couple of times. 

It is so hard that there are no definitive answers for what is happening to him.  The hives are from the allergic reaction to amoxicillin, they think.  The fever could be from an unrelated virus, they think.  When asked if it's going to get even worse than it was yesterday they said, "we just don't know."  I hate that there are no answers.

My little baby is miserable.  He has not crawled, cruised, sat up, played, or laughed for days.  He is in pain.  Even a light touch evokes discomfort and tears.  His face isn't as swollen today but his hands and feet are.  We attempted to soak him in a bath last night and that DID NOT go over well.  Once we calmed him down and got him to bed that was when I lost it...

I had a good cry.  The rational side of me knows very well that he is going to get better soon.  I know that, "it could be worse," and how lucky we are that despite our run of sickness we don't live at the Children's Hospital and we have an overall healthy boy.  I know all of these things.  But it is so very hard to see my baby in pain and being so sick.

As if that wasn't enough I became overwhelmed with stress and concern about all facets of my life.  Do you ever do that?  I cried and cried irrationally over things that I rationally know will get better and work themselves out as they always do.  I irrationally cried, rationally knowing it wouldn't solve anything.  It may not have solved anything but I sure felt a hell-of-a-lot better afterward.  Some times you just need a good cry...

AND some times all you need to make things better is a wonderful husband that is by your side through it all and is handy in the kitchen.  While I was self-consumed and wallowing my husband was whipping up a delicious meal consisting of grilled pork chops marinated in a balsamic vinaigrette, finished with a tomato and green olive sauce with sides of grilled asparagus and rice.  All was right with the world again.  I calmed down, enjoyed a wonderful meal with my husband and enjoyed a much needed glass of wine. 

It will get better.  It has to.