Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Brain dump

Last night I was having very regular and strong Braxton Hicks contractions to the point that a few times I was left asking, "is this it?" But thinking back to my last labor I remembered that if I have to question whether or not "this is it," then it most certainly is not. There is no question about when the real labor starts, at least there wasn't for me.

As the contractions were doing their thing I just made sure to completely relax and drink plenty of water in case it was just my body telling me to calm down, get some rest and hydrate. That's just what I did and even threw in some ice cream for good measure! Hey, it has a calming effect on me... yeah, that's it! I eat the ice cream because it "calms" me down. ;)

But as I sat there with P-Nut moving and grooving and the Braxton Hicks tightening and relaxing, I started thinking how real this is about to be and I became nervous, anxious, and stressed out. It's funny because I've been feeling so ready to be done with the pregnancy and keep saying I want to get on to the next stage already. But then it hit me that, I"M ALMOST TO THAT NEXT STAGE!!! :: gulp ::

I started thinking about labor and how it will go down this time around? I felt that my first go-round couldn't have gone any better and I am praying this will be the same. Labor is a mental game as much as it is physical and I'm also hoping I can get back into that "zen" place when everything gets started.

I started thinking about Little C and how our time with just him is getting smaller and smaller. As excited as I am to meet baby girl P-Nut I am also super excited for Christmas with C. I am hoping our baby girl wouldn't mind waiting until after Christmas to do her thing. Although, if there is anything P-Nut has taught me so far it is that she is on her own little agenda and will get here when she darn well pleases!

I started looking around the house at all the things we still have to get done. I started thinking about work and all of the things I still need to get done there for my maternity leave. It all just started closing in on me and I felt overwhelmed.

Hubs started talking about my breast pump and where it is and how we need to get it cleaned up and ready. I couldn't even talk about it. I shook my head and requested that we just sit on the couch, watch mindless TV, and enjoy our ice cream without talking about anything baby related or to-do list related. I just couldn't handle it.

Today I'm feeling the same way and I just wish I could shake it. But instead of beating myself up for how I'm feeling I've made the decision to just roll with it. Yes, I'm nervous, anxious and stressed out but that is normal. I'm on the brink of a life changing event and it is okay to be feeling this way. Everything will work out, it always does. Everything will get done, it always does. And even if every little detail isn't accomplished by P-Nut's arrival, so what! We've got enough done that if she were to show up today we'd be fine.

I've got a lot going on and sometimes it's more exhausting to pretend like I've got it all together instead of just admitting that I'm dealing and doing the very best I can. Luckily I'm really looking forward to the upcoming Holiday and even though getting ready for that is part of my to-do list it is enjoyable and it will be nice to get together with the fam and be merry!

So that's my brain dump for the day. Thanks for listening! How are you doing? Need an ear to dump on yourself? I'm here for ya!

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