Friday, April 13, 2012

Self-loathing, No More!

Would you EVER tell someone you know that they are a, "fat gelatinous waste of space?!?"  Seriously.  Would you???  I never would. So why do I feel the need to talk to myself that way?

I'm done.  I'm done feeling sorry for myself.  I'm done complaining about the way I look and not really putting forth the effort to do something about it.  I'm done with the negative self-talk that I have become so good at.  I'm done.

I want to love myself.  Not in a narcissistic, ego-maniac kind of way.  I want to love myself in a positive, prideful way.  I want to be good enough just as I am.  Not good enough in the eyes of others but good enough to me, because I am my harshest critic.

I want to be confident and comfortable in my own skin.  I know that my appearance is only a tiny piece of that puzzle because even if I do lose weight that doesn't automatically mean I will be 100% happy and all my insecurities will disappear.  Some of them will for sure but to be truly confident and comfortable in my own skin I need to start changing the way I think.

Cause and effect.  Know what I mean?  I am planning my company's Team Retreat for this weekend and the theme I came up with for this year circles around "turning mediocrity into greatness."  I put together a stellar power point presentation (thank you very much!) chalk full of inspiration, motivation and action items to help my "team" be the best that they can be.  But why not apply it to myself?  What really spoke to me is a quote from a book called, Secrets of the World Class by Steve Siebold.  He says, "the cause is how you think, and if you improve the cause, the effect will take care of itself."

I'm changing my cause, or as Mr. Siebold puts it, my thinking.  I'm going to focus on loving myself and taking care of myself and the effects of that will in turn boost my confidence.  I'm not going to put pressure on myself to lose X amount of pounds by such-and-such date or to crucify myself for eating the things that I love.  I am going to make simple changes to my lifestyle and see what sticks.

Here's my plan:
  1. Start a food journal - Super lame, I know.  But I think I have to because I know full well I am not being honest with myself about what I put in my mouth.
  2. Move my body - I sit for a living.  I work behind a desk staring at a computer screen all day.  My ass and my chair have become one.  I need to liberate my ass and let it be free! 
  3. I will not depend on my husband to hold my hand - He will support me, no doubt about that.  But I can't rely on him to be my rock on this journey.  I have to be my own rock.  He can join in if he wants but I can't expect anyone to do this for me.
  4. Learn how to handle my stress better - I tend to eat my feelings and stress.  I also tend to drink my feelings at times (something else I am struggling with, but not quite ready to share here.)  I'm hoping the exercise will help with this...
  5. Be kind to myself - Let's face it, I know I'm not too far gone.  I'm not a complete eye sore roaming around the earth.  I have a lot going for me and I need to recognize that more often.
So there you have it!  My plan.  My starting off point.  My intention is to make this stick.  So many times before I have made "announcements" instead of commitments when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy.  I want this time to be different.  I want to be a good role model for my son and most importantly I so desperately want to feel confident and comfortable in my own skin.

Wish me luck!

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