Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Self-loathing, No More! For now...

(photo credit)
I first told you about my struggles with self-loathing and my action plan to put an end to it here.  I also shared with you how it was going and things I was struggling with here and here.  The last post about this topic was on May 3rd and since then I have decided to cease and desist my "plan."

Since I started my mission of getting healthier I have lost weight and I have been feeling better about myself.  The negative self-talk still creeps in and it is something that I will continue to fight against.  However, my situation has changed since I first set out to tackle my demons.  I'm pregnant now and being healthy takes on a whole new meaning when you are no longer the only person to take into consideration.

Losing weight is no longer my top priority.  My new top priority is to be as healthy as possible by eating balanced meals, increasing my protein and enjoying plenty of vitamin rich foods.  I have also employed my trusty nalgene bottle to help track how much water I am drinking.  I go on 30-40 minute walks at least 4-5 days a week and I will soon be resuming prenatal yoga.

I'm not going to lie, losing weight as a result of my efforts has been great and the idea that I am about to pack on 30 pounds once again that took me over a year to get off is a bit daunting.  However, the ultimate reason that I have decided to abandon my "plan" is because... I love being pregnant!  I know that is fortunate for me because not every woman does.  I feel bad for those that don't love it, not because I think they should, but because I think society makes them feel like they should.  Almost like if they don't revel in being pregnant that must mean they aren't connected to their baby some way.  It just isn't fair!  I've known moms that love and adore their children but didn't necessarily loooove being pregnant.  There is nothing wrong with that!   

My belly w/ Baby Boy

I happen to love being pregnant for so many reasons.  First and foremost, I appreciate being pregnant.  Believe me when I say that I have never taken for granted the fact that I have been fortunate enough to A) conceive, B) have a successful pregnancy, and C) have a successful birth.  Those three things are all miracles in and of themselves and I am very grateful for what I have and very hopeful for what is on its way.  Life is precious and it is fragile and always remembering that is very important to me.

Another reason that I love being pregnant is that I feel beautiful.  Sure your body changes, you get bigger, you have aches and pains, you pee every 5 minutes, and you snore like a grizzly bear, etc.  From what I've shared with you about myself you may think going through the "glamorous" changes that accompany pregnancy would have me feeling more self-conscious.  It is actually the exact opposite.  I loved my growing belly and I was in awe of my body.  I would stand nehked in front of the mirror and I wouldn't cringe, I wouldn't say awful and negative things about myself.  I would proclaim out loud that I looked good and how beautiful I felt.  I was confident, proud and happy and I'm already feeling the same way this time around and I don't even have a bump yet! 

I'm not sure why my confidence and pride shifts this way...  I'm not sure why I've wasted so many years of my life consumed with all of this negative self-talk and such meager self-worth.  I'm still determined to beat it and although my "Self-loathing, No More" project is on hiatus I feel that it is a journey I will continue on.  Until then I will relish in my pregnancy and I will enjoy rockin' my bouncy baby bod!

Do/did you enjoy being pregnant?  Do you have any secrets to squashing negative self-talk?  Please do share! ;)    

1 comment:

  1. you are such a great writer! and 'belly with baby boy' could not be any more amazing. truly. and once I'm pregnant ... I will be sure to tell you all about it! ;)

    oh and sorry to change the subject, but sherm is a little over a year old. (your email isn't linked up to your blogger account, so I couldn't email ya back).