Friday, April 12, 2013

My Maternity Leave with P-Nut

Where do I even start? :: tears up ::

How did this happen? Three months just flew by and it seems just as I'm getting into a groove and a solid routine is when I have to abandon this one, gear up and adjust to a whole new routine all over again.

As hard as it will be I have to say I am looking forward to getting back to work. I like my job and I enjoy what I do for a living. If I didn't have that in place and was going back to a life that I hated then this transition would be all kinds of miserable. So I am lucky for this.

I am also lucky to work for a generous boss that allowed me to take 13 weeks off from work in a small office where having one person out makes a big difference. Being a small business owner he was not obligated to give me any time as the same rules don't apply as they do for large corporations. So I am truly grateful that he values me as much as he does and I also have to say my hard work paid off and I earned and deserved the time I was given.

Now back to my dear P-Nut!

What an amazing time I've had with her! I had an amazing time with Little C when he was a baby too but being a first-time mom I don't think I was able to enjoy my leave as much as I did with P-Nut. I wasn't as nervous or unsure so things went much smoother. Smoother in regard to caring for her but the old cliche rings true that each child is different!

C was very independent from the start and I know I've shared with you how attached to his father he was from day one. Well, P-Nut has been very attached to me and I don't know if it is that breastfeeding has gone better or if it is just who she is, but we are very close.

As I reflect back on my 13 weeks home with my little nut so many things rush through my mind. How quickly things went from being miserable and very pregnant to holding my girl in my arms.

I an in active labor during this photo

The first two - four weeks as a mother of two were IN-TENSE! There is no other way to describe it. I think back to those weeks and I can't believe we got through it. Sleeping in two hour chunks, changing diapers in bed as she would go to the bathroom at every feeding. Then she would go to the bathroom again right after snapping the last snap on her PJ's. She wouldn't sleep in her bassinet she would only sleep in bed with us. A toddler that wakes up at the same time every single day despite how little you slept or how exhausted you are.

I got through the breastfeeding battles and I'm doing so much better now. I think back to crying in the middle of the night from the pain or from P-Nut not latching on and how far we've come.

I think about my first full day with TWO KIDS!!! It had some highs and lows but for the most part it was a huge success and I realized that I can do this and although it may get hairy at times, there is nothing I can't handle.

I learned that my husband is only a phone call away and that he is unequivocally my rock. I'm embarrassed to say I called him in tears too many times but he was always able to talk me down and snap me out of whatever had my panties in a bunch.

I learned that my daughter will not sleep in her crib for naps. She is a "power napper" just like C was, only sleeping for short chunks of time. She is also a very sensitive sleeper. She loves toys that she can grab a hold of and that make a jingle noise or a crunchy paper noise. She doesn't mind if you play with her feet. She is eager to sit up and play with her brother and I think she is "over" being an infant. She could take or leave her paci. Classical music soothes her, as well as Bob Marley. Her changing table is one of her favorite places. She has a girly cry, flirty eyes, and a mischievous grin. She is by far the stinkiest little thing but I think we are starting to get past that. Her giant gummy smile slays me and I fall in love with her more each day. 

I will miss her.

I've done this before but it is not making this transition any easier. What is helping is that I know I can do it. I know things will become more manageable as time passes. I know daycare will be good for her. It has proved to be for Little C. I'm confident about being a working mom and I have no doubts. I just simply will miss her.

I will also miss Little C as I've been able to spend more quality time with him as well on my leave. He is growing so fast and I swear I was just bringing him home yesterday.

This kid cracks me up!

I will also miss no make-up, the luxury of no blow dryers or curling irons. Yoga pants, sipping coffee and watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs while I nurse. I will miss having all of our chores and errands done before the weekend starts so we can enjoy our time as a family. I will miss my husband coming home during lunch for a little afternoon delight to eat leftovers. I will miss having dinner prepped and ready for my family.

But the #1 thing I will probably miss the most? Going to Target during off hours in the middle of the week. There is no greater thing than an empty Target parking lot! HA!

Of course I kid. The #1 thing I will miss the most is the obvious...

When I first requested 12 weeks off for Little C's arrival I knew that was a huge amount of time but I felt like I only had this one chance. One opportunity to get this right with my newborn. I was always the girl who worked from the time I was old enough to do so. I never went on spring breaks, winter breaks, or summer breaks. I always worked. So when it came time for maternity leave I took every opportunity to be selfish and take the time I felt I needed not only for myself but for my baby. I took the same approach with P-Nut.

So now it comes to a close. I will charge into the workforce with my head held high. I will attempt to stay strong as I leave P-Nut for a full eight hours for the first time since she was born. It will be ok. And knowing that so many of you are out there doing the same thing brings me comfort and reminds me I'm in good company. Solidarity, sista!

My sweet baby Marlow,
Thank you for this time. I will treasure it always and now we start a new chapter. It is going to be great, I promise.

All my love,

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