Thoughts

I jolted awake at a ridiculous hour this morning after a restless night complete with tossing and turning. My thoughts dialed up demanding space in my weary head. One thought right after another preventing me from dosing back to sleep in my warm, oh-so-lovely bed.

The house was completely dark, Hubs breathing heavily next to me, and my cats adhered to various spots along my body like velcro. Baby Donut is under the weather and her sweet little sick girl moans sporadically lit up the baby monitor for a few blips then she was back to sleep.

I just laid on my back with eyes wide open staring at a pitch black ceiling I could barely see thanks to the green glow of my digital alarm clock. I laid there and I thought all the thoughts. The worries, the what ifs, the how did I get here, the fear of the unknown. A few positive thoughts poked their way through the stress and, to be quite honest, the sadness.

After numerous failed attempts and shutting my brain off and getting back to sleep I sighed deeply and made my way downstairs. Now what?

Now, I dive into this computer, I network, I call, I write. All in an effort to find my new beginning. I want to find it quickly in order to silence the worries and what ifs. I want to stay diligent and focused to turn the unknown into what it was meant to be all along. I know there is a reason I've found myself here and I can't wait for the ah-ha moment that it becomes clear.

Until then my thoughts will continue to grab hold of my conscience whenever they see fit. They might bring me down here and there but I will fight to keep them positive and motivated. I won't be in this gray area for long.

So this is unemployment.