It's been a week.
I have been on an emotional roller coaster having moments of clarity and purpose followed by doubt and sadness. Trouble with the latter is that I am a very emotional and sensitive person and at times I tend to fall too deeply into the sadness part.
Thankfully I have learned over the years how to take a mental inventory when this starts to happen and take some time to "snap out of it," so to speak. It isn't easy, in fact pulling myself up from the darkness has always been hard for me.
Yesterday I had a moment of weakness. I arrived as guest of honor to my pity party for one and I did it right. I got out some serious emotion and I cried to the point of those gaspy sobs that shorten your breath. It wasn't pretty people.
After the dramatics subsided Hubs came to talk with me. He calmed me down by walking me through the reality of why I'm here. He validated my right to feel sad but he reminded me of all the reasons I have to feel positive about where I am. For me, and I'm sure countless others who have been in this position before, it is hard to not have a choice about something and have someone else dictate a life change to you instead of it being on your own terms.
I made no bones about wanting to progress my career this year, so making a change at some point with inevitable. I just never anticipated it to happen this way. ::sigh::
Such is life.
Then Hubs gave me the pep talk to end all pep talks. He told me it's time to draw a line in the sand and make the pivotal choice to let the emotion consume me or to admit it sucks something awful but rise above and make these crummy circumstances into opportunity. He truly said it way better than this but I've given you the gist here.
Basically, as he was talking my tears dried up, I started rise up from my wallowing spot, and I felt 50 shades of inspired. I wanted to suit up in my best gray sweats while my husbands speech played in the background along with the Rocky theme song (of course) as I mounted a flight of stairs all the way to the top of our capital building, bobbing and weaving and punching the crap out of the air.
I choose to put the past behind me and focus on my future. Admittedly it may not always be easy. Seven years of my life is not just a small span of time. But my future awaits and even though I'm on a journey of unknowns and hurdles, it doesn't matter. It will work out, this will pass and I'm going to be so much better for it!
Opportunity, are you there? It's me... Kendra. I'm coming to gettcha!
But before that, BRB
::laces up black chucks then starts in with the air punches::