Friday, February 14, 2014

Do They Know?

Does my husband know that for years while we were dating I'd always wake up before him and stare at the back of his head, neck and back? Listening to him take deep, restful breaths and I'd repeat over and over in my head "I love him, I love him, I love him..."

Does he know that on our wedding day I was as calm as I've ever been? That for an easily stressed out and over-dramatic person, I was so at peace and easy-going because I was so sure and confident I was about to marry the perfect man for me.

Does he know how much I need him? Need to be near him, touch him, talk to him, hold him. Even during our most intense arguments as I have steam blowing out my ears, I still look across at him and repeat in my head, "I love him, I love him, I love him..."

Does my husband know that during the birth of our son as I experienced the most intense pain of my life, it was his perfectly blended display of strength and tenderness that got me through? Having him by my side pushes me (figuratively and, in this case, literally) to do anything.

Does my husband know that even before looking into our first born child's eyes, I locked with his and exhaled the biggest breath because we just extended our love far beyond ourselves and into the heart of our baby boy?

Does my son know that at the very next moment he was placed directly onto my heart and that is where he will forever stay?

Does he know how two people with so much to talk about and say were speechless and in awe by his tiny presence?

Does he know that when he was a tiny baby and we were home alone, I'd queue up Three Little Birds as I'd sway back and forth with him sleeping in my arms and I'd sing: "...don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing, is gonna be alright..."

Does my boy know how his chestnut hair and his hopelessly adorable big brown eyes paired with his perfect smile slays me?

Does he know that I sneak a peek into his school room on my way out every morning at drop-off just to watch him in his element? I stare proudly at him as he talks with his friends, giggling and being so raw and unscathed. So innocent and so brilliant.

Does my daughter know that the second I found out I was pregnant with her that I fell to my knees, burst into tears and prayed? She was a surprise, I was scared and I prayed hard not to let anything happen to her despite that fact.

Does she know that after she was born she was placed directly onto my heart and that is where she will forever stay?

Does she know how much I adore having a blonde-haired, blue-eyed daughter?

Does she know how much I love her hands? Not because they are so tiny. Not because there are dimples where her knuckles should be. I love her hands because she is always reaching. Reaching for her Dad, reaching for her brother, for me. She reaches for all the things in her life that she wants, big or small. She may not always get what she wants but she still reaches, with fingers spread on her tiny plump hands. Keep reaching, my girl.

Do our kids know that every night after they're asleep their father and I walk into their rooms to "check on them?" Really it's just that we want to see them. See our beautiful son and daughter and go to bed thankful they are ours.

Do my children know how genuinely happy I am to be there mom?

Does my husband know how desperately happy I am to be his wife?

Do they know that they are my everything? That my heart beats for them?

Do they know?

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