I really want to be "that mom." The mom that is always put together and can handle a multitude of stress with the greatest of ease. I want to be the mom who's kids never have boogery noses or food crusted to their faces. I want to not be constantly picking dog and cat hair off my kids clothes. I want to put healthy homemade meals in front of them every night. I want to sew for them AND make them costumes and damn it... I want to bake for them!
I want the house to be permeated with the smells of fresh baked cookies, cupcakes, and breads. I want to be the working mom that bakes their kid's treats for the Halloween party and doesn't just buy it at the store.
I want all of these things, but you know what? Turns out it's not my style.
You see, my style is to appear put together (most of the time) when really I'm just taking every day one minute at a time. Who knows when my panty hose will run, my shoe with get scuffed from our stupid rock-lined driveway, the button will pop off my pants, I'll loose an earring or the under-wire in my bra will poke its way out of said bra and then deep into my side boob.
I'm learning I'm more of "that other mom." The mom that is wiping off her kids faces as she's taking them out of the car to head into daycare. I'm the mom who is so excited to look at the thousands of pictures she just took at the Zoo only find there is food crusted to her baby's face in all of them.
I'm the mom who last night very meticulously removed all of the pet hair adhered in a static cling situation to my son's fireman hat before I tucked it into his backpack for the Halloween party.
I'm also the mom that can't sew to save her life. That button I mentioned that popped off my pants? Yeah... I'm gonna need to buy new pants. I can't even sew a button so I'm for sure not sewing any Halloween costumes!
And baking? Bwahahahahaha!!! I'm the mom that ruins box cake. BOX CAKE.
Last night I was the mom who tried in vain to bake the easiest monster cookie recipe I could find for Little C's Halloween party. I read over the ingredients and the instructions at least a dozen times and then I set in. I even let C help me as I was envisioning us chatting and laughing the whole time. Bonding over butter and sugar. Letting him lick the spoon and thinking I was his hero as I pulled the delicious cookies from the oven.
But remember? I'm "that other mom." C was a good little helper and we were having a nice time. We got the dough to the perfect monster green and then it was time for it to chill in the fridge. C retired to the play room to watch a cartoon. Thank goodness he wasn't in the kitchen because as I was transferring the dough to the fridge I dropped it.
I dropped the dough in it's GLASS mixing bowl and in a nano-second there was glass shattered all over the floor, I had a bleeding foot, and my perfectly green monster creation lied on the cold kitchen tile riddled with shards of broken glass (and pet hair).
Hubs did all of the clean up, I tended to my war wound, and there were no cookies for the party. We scrapped the homemade meal for dinner that was in its early stages of production and ordered Thai.
I was sincerely devastated only because I was trying really hard. But now I know I was trying really hard to be someone I'm not. I don't bake and that is OK!
I'm a working mom and there are going to be times where phoning it in is not just okay but necessary.
I don't sew, but my kids have a wonderful Nana that does. And there are also these things called "stores" where I can buy costumes!
I have to pick pet hair off of my kids clothes but they have furry companions that love them and that make our family whole.
My kids have food on their faces when I drop them off to school because they have just been fed and I'm sending them off to have a fun-filled day with a full belly and we are fortunate for that.
Some days I am a "super hero" mom and some days I'm a royal, hot mess, doing the best I can, mom. But to my kids I'm just, "mom." Little C will never know how much I wanted to proudly display my monster cookie creations for him at his party today. But what he will know is that I'm there with him and I bet he will even be proud to have me.